Are you happy?
19 April 2007I don’t mean the kind of happy where you sit at your desk and giggle with delight all day. This type of happy leads to co-workers sniffing the brownies you made or your coffee cup whenever you aren’t around.
When you take the time to reflect on where you are and everything you have accomplished, are you happy with yourself? Do you forgive your own shortcomings as easily as you forgive others? I suspect a large number of people have developed the belief they don’t deserve to be happy or that they haven’t earned happiness yet. Everyday, I hear comments from others about how wonderful their lives will be once this problem goes away, or as soon as they finish this project, or if they win the lottery. I believe people have been trained to think this way. Why? I recall, or nearly recall, a line from the movie musical, “Music Man”, where Robert Preston says to Shirley Jones, “Oh, my dear, dear, sweet Marian. If you put off all of your living until tomorrow, you will find that you have collected nothing but a lot of empty yesterdays. I don’t know about you, but I’d like to make today worth living.” I always loved that line, enough if I didn’t quote it correctly. I was always pretty fond of Shirley Jones too. I even suffered through episodes of the Partridge Family just to see her. Are you putting your happiness off until tomorrow?
I like to watch people. All kinds of people. It is interesting to watch how their character and personality shape their physical appearance as the years go by. It is especially obvious with older people. You see the kind smile and glint in their eye together with the well-used smile lines in their face. Their appearance tells you volumes about how they have faced life. Other people have faces contorted from a lifetime of grumbling and complaining, ever discontent with their lot in life. Some people have faces that reflect fear, pain, and distrust. Indelible marks of their past etched into their faces. Is it fate? Is it just that some people have had wonderful lives while others were horribly abused? Did they make poor choices or have no choice at all? Is there a common element they all share?
I hypothesize that everyone faces nearly the same amount of problems in life. For some people, the problem might be whether they will be shot today, or have food to eat, or a place to sleep. Other people might be worried about a loved one or miss someone who has passed away. Someone else might be worried they won’t be asked to the senior prom or, that if they are asked, they can’t afford a nice dress. To someone looking in from the outside, they might be horrified by some peoples problems or deeply sympathetic to them. Some problems might seem trivial and unimportant. But, to the person facing the problem, it is a huge problem. Our own problems are very important, even if only to ourselves. If everyone has problems just as important to them as the problems suffered by their friends, neighbors, and total strangers; then the answer isn’t in what the problem is. The answer is in how you learn to deal with your problems.
We’ve all met people who groan and roll their eyes everytime a new problem presents itself. Some people scream, swear, and turn red in the face with every new problem. Other people just smile pleasantly and go quietly about solving the problem. A few rare individuals laugh cheerfully and joke about their predicament. Don’t kid yourself that your problems are more important than someone else’s problems. The secret is in how you face those problems and learn to deal with them effectively. Problems never go away completely. There are always new problems that will appear. Change the way you face problems if you want to be happier. Remember, its only a secret to you, because everyone else can see it in your face.
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